Rule #10. Love After Safety

We don’t date when we can’t pay rent.

Continuing on the Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs a good question to ask yourself:

Why does Maslow’s hierarchy place love and belonging after physiological and safety needs?

 It’s simple: you can’t focus on relationships or connection when your basic needs aren’t met. At work or at home, if you’re struggling just to survive, higher-level needs like love, belonging, and self-esteem take a backseat.

I learned this the hard way. I took the biggest risk of my life—quitting my full-time job after buying my first apartment to start a business. Everything seemed to be aligning until life threw me a curveball. The invasion of Ukraine began, putting my family in danger, and my two income sources—a part-time online flower shop and an Airbnb rental—were shut down simultaneously. Not to say I was still recovering from the burnout. Love and relationships? Those were luxuries I couldn’t afford neither mentally nor physically or financially. My only focus was survival—for myself and my family.

This experience made it clear to me why Level 3 of Maslow’s hierarchy—Love and Belonging—comes after Levels 1 and 2.

At work it's the same, employees need to feel secure in their jobs (Level 2: Safety Needs) and know their basic needs are met (Level 1: Physiological Needs) before they can truly connect with their team or engage in meaningful collaboration. If someone is worried about their financial stability, safety, or health, expecting them to thrive socially is unrealistic.

So, what does Level 3: Love and Belonging actually mean? This level is about relationships, connection, and feeling part of a group. At work, it translates to strong team dynamics, a sense of belonging, and feeling valued by colleagues. Employees at this level are more engaged, collaborative, and motivated because they feel they belong. However, if their basic needs aren’t met, they’re less likely to seek out or value these connections, focusing instead on job security and stability. Means if they don’t know their job well they also don’t care about competing with anyone else. They are just not there yet.

In personal life, Love and Belonging means forming meaningful relationships with family, friends, and partners. It’s the stage where people seek out love, friendship, and social bonds. But again, if someone is struggling to meet their basic needs—like housing or financial security—they’re unlikely to prioritize dating or building friendships. They’re in survival mode, focused on keeping their head above water.

I saw this principle in action at a startup event in NYC. A founder pitched an app like Bumble, but for making BFFs. It sounded legitimate until she mentioned it was targeted at new immigrants who had just arrived in the country. Two major flaws became immediately apparent: First, new immigrants are focused on establishing themselves, not filling their social calendars. Many juggle multiple jobs and don’t have time to feel lonely. Second, they’re not going to pay for a “nice-to-have” app when they’re still struggling to secure the basics.

This example illustrates how crucial it is to understand where your audience is on Maslow’s hierarchy. Whether you’re building a team or launching a product, or a family you must ensure that the foundational needs are met before you can address higher-level desires.

When two people in a family are at different levels of Maslow’s hierarchy, tension can arise. For example, if one person is focused on securing basic needs like financial stability (Level 2), while the other seeks emotional connection and belonging (Level 3), their differing priorities can lead to frustration and misunderstandings.

The person focused on Safety Needs may be less interested in social activities, causing the other to feel neglected. This mismatch can create a disconnect where one feels unsupported, and the other feels misunderstood.

In work settings, the same dynamic can occur if a manager prioritizes team cohesion (Level 3) while an employee is concerned with job security (Level 2).

The solution? Communication and understanding. Recognizing each other’s priorities helps bridge the gap, allowing both to support one another’s needs.

In short, Love After Safety. You can’t expect people to focus on connection and belonging when they’re still worried about how to make ends meet. Whether it’s in your personal life or in your business, remember that Maslow’s hierarchy isn’t just a theory—it’s a practical guide to understanding what people really need at any given time. When I feel confused I often check in with who is where on it.